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Women’s, B-

Appearance: I always approach Denny’s loo (oh yes, I frequent Denny’s) with trepidation, but I’m not sure what awful things I expect to find – after all, their staff are lovely and dedicated to serving drunks with a kind laugh. And really, it’s probably the drunks responsible for making the toilets here a mess – as you can see in this pic below, no attempt to flush properly, the sanitary bin’s been wrangled, and paper’s been confetti-ed.

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Smell: Inoffensive, not freshly cleaned though.

Paper: Industrial roll, but thick and sandpapery.

Flush: That flush button is harder to use than it looks, hence why the previous user left me a present.

Washing: Had to press the dispenser a few times to get soap out, and the taps keep going after you take your hands away, which really concerned my eco-friendly sensibilities.

Best: This could fit into best or worst actually: The macaroon brownie advertisement on the cubicle door. Sure if I’d used the bog before I’d eaten anything I might think “I’ll keep that in mind for dessert”, but if I’m seeing that on a full Denny’s stomach, it’s really just going to make me think of poo.

Worst: This bin between the handbasins. It felt like there should be a paper towel dispenser to go with it, but there wasn’t. I actually looked around for one, I was so confused.

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