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“Special and emotional”

herald 2

Women’s, C grade

Note: This is a rather special and emotional blog, done with great care and attention after seeing Felicity Ward’s brilliant “What if there is no toilet?”.

Appearance: Ok I was desperate to go to this toilet for two reasons. 1. I promised on Twitter I would. 2. I skulled a glass of wine before the show and naively assumed I could swan into the toilet before taking my seat for the hour-long show. Not so. The pre-show queue meant an hour-long wait through hysterical toilet gags that literally made me want to pee my pants. When I finally got in, (after the post-show queue ended) I could understand the wait. ONLY TWO CUBICLES!!

Smell: As if close to 50 people had just used it. Which they had.

Paper: Standard industrial roll.

Flush: What flush? I pushed and pushed until the ghost jellyfish of paper (that’s a Felicity joke, probably had to be there) was just floating by its lonesome.

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Washing: What the hell is up with this tap? Is it a sensor, do you twist the tap towards you or away? I think it was just put there to make us all look stupid. And one basin too, no wonder there was a hold up.

Best: The sensor-activated hand dryer, the only thing that made sense in that loo.

Worst: A girl ahead of me had not locked her door. Just sat there peeing with a door saying VACANT. So what did I (unknowingly) do? Started to push it open of course.That taught her to close the fecken door…she hurried whispered words with her friend as she left “that girl tried to open my door…I knooooow, what a crazy!”

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