“Like being inside a salad”
Unisex, C+ grade
Appearance: I enjoyed the mustard-cream-pine colour scheme and there weren’t any obvious stains or puddles to put me off. A little cramped but somewhere I could quite easily spend half an hour in a tri-colour trance.
Smell: A lot of people believe cucumbers don’t really smell of anything. Those people have not been in Mezze Bar’s unisex toilet. It was like being inside a salad.
Paper: This might be controversial but I enjoy the dispensers that only trust you with one piece of tissue at a time. If there’s a loose roll I’m inclined to run around and unravel it like the Andrex puppy.
Flush: Like an old lawnmower starting underwater. The buttons were these huge discs though that looked like something from a kid’s puzzle, so that was something.
Washing: Unremarkable. Uninspiring. Unsurprising really, it was just a sink and a soap squirter.
Best: Behind the bog was a wooden panel. It would work as a drinks holder but I didn’t have a drink. Instead I put my elbows up on it as though I was luxuriating on a leather couch. Just added a sense of occasion to the whole bowel movement.
Worst: The unrealised potential. It was just a bit bland. To be fair, probably not everyone likes there toilets to be jazzy as well as functional. But I need that pizzazz, a bit of razzmatazz, “x-factor” (cringe). Call it what you like but this one just didn’t quite have it.