“Like being inside a salad”

Mezze 1

Unisex, C+ grade

Appearance: I enjoyed the mustard-cream-pine colour scheme and there weren’t any obvious stains or puddles to put me off. A little cramped but somewhere I could quite easily spend half an hour in a tri-colour trance.

Smell: A lot of people believe cucumbers don’t really smell of anything. Those people have not been in Mezze Bar’s unisex toilet. It was like being inside a salad.

Mezze 2

Paper: This might be controversial but I enjoy the dispensers that only trust you with one piece of tissue at a time. If there’s a loose roll I’m inclined to run around and unravel it like the Andrex puppy.

Flush: Like an old lawnmower starting underwater. The buttons were these huge discs though that looked like something from a kid’s puzzle, so that was something.

Washing: Unremarkable. Uninspiring. Unsurprising really, it was just a sink and a soap squirter.

Best: Behind the bog was a wooden panel. It would work as a drinks holder but I didn’t have a drink. Instead I put my elbows up on it as though I was luxuriating on a leather couch. Just added a sense of occasion to the whole bowel movement.

Worst: The unrealised potential. It was just a bit bland. To be fair, probably not everyone likes there toilets to be jazzy as well as functional. But I need that pizzazz, a bit of razzmatazz, “x-factor” (cringe). Call it what you like but this one just didn’t quite have it.


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