“Double Whammy/discarded undies”

Grey Lynn Park has two main public toilet blocks, so we decided to get both in one hit and pit them against each other. It turns out you really need to avoid both these loo blocks and hold on until you get home. I had to walk the length of the park forcing fresh winter air through my nostrils after this double whammy ‘experience’.

Middle block – rugby league field

Grey Lynn 1

Womens, D grade

Appearance: There is caked-on grime on everything. The toilet, the walls, the floor, everything. I refuse to believe a cleaner has been anywhere near these loos for a proper clean in a long time. Also I worried I might be locked in and have to stand at this barred door looking out sadly, crying ‘help’ to no avail.

Smell: The smell of a loo that hasn’t been cleaned…pongy. (And once you come out, you’ll swear everyone can smell that loo on you…eau de pong)

Paper: The one thing in abundance.

Flush: Surprisingly sturdy, but you had to touch the grimy flush button.


Washing: No soap or drying facilities, so after touching those disgusting surfaces you’re pretty much filthy for the day.

Grey Lynn 3

Best: Ummm, there were three cubicles.

Worst: This is below-standard cleanliness for a public toilet – especially in such a well-used park.

End block – basketball courts

Grey Lynn 12

Unisex/Disabled, D grade

Appearance: Someone needs to take a fire hose into these loos and just start spraying. I thought the first ones were bad – I was scared to touch anything in these. There’s handy ventilation through to the neighbouring loo, so even though you feel like you’ve got privacy in a self-contained unit, you really don’t.

Smell: The same delightful pong as the middle block.

Paper: Also in abundance – at least the loo paper person is doing their job right.

Flush: Sturdy enough to wash down the urine sitting in the bowl from the previous person.

Washing: A funny thing happened when I went to wash my hands. I turned and saw these discarded men’s gruds screwed up in the corner. At this point I started to shake with horror…What.Had.Happened.In.These.Toilets?? (Oh yeah, and there was also no soap).

Grey Lynn 11

Best: There was a hand dryer. It felt like an out-of-place luxury in that loo.

Grey Lynn 9

Worst: The undies were bad enough, but the floor is also soaked through – no joke, you could probably slip and hit your head like one of those ACC ads like that guy painting a house happily, until he falls off the ladder, or the woman who fell through the coffee table: BRUTAL.


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