“The ho-hum bagno”

Unisex, B grade

Appearance: Settebello, with the Italian-inspired artwork and sports shirts, we can see you’ve tried but it’s all a bit bland and lacking any real personality. That brown lino floor and white paint job really aren’t doing you any favours. The real issue in this bog though, is the door lock. It took a whole lot of desperate shimmying to get it in the locked position and after I dropped my pants fear set in that it wasn’t actually locked after all. With only one loo serving this wee restaurant, the panic was real. I weed quicker than I’ve ever weed before.

Smell: Neutral. There are a couple of air fresheners knocking about but neither was making any impact.

Paper: A standard 2-ply affair.

Flush: Nothing to get excited over. It was more of a Wellington Bucket Fountain splash than a glorious Trevi Fountain flush.

Washing: There is both a wall-mounted soap dispenser and a standard Palmolive hand soap number to choose from. I went for the better the devil you know Palmolive approach, myself. The tap was very weak and the paper hand towels were so rough. These delicate hands, which do little more than prance upon a keyboard like a carefree Bambi before that bloody hunter shot his mother, felt violated.

Best: Walking out of there without someone catching me sans pants.

Worst: Those paper hand towels. Ouch.


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